March 18, 2014 Leave a comment
One of my earliest memories in life comes from my first parent-teacher conference (or maybe just a school meeting that I had to be at in Kindergarten). My teacher told my parents something that I now hear on a semi-annual basis: “She’s just very shy. She really needs to work on her confidence.”
At my mid-year review a few weeks ago, what did I hear again? “You just need to work on your confidence.”
What have I heard in just about every review/evaluation/what the fuck ever, is “…work on you confidence.”
There is honestly no worse sentence to hear. And I don’t see myself as supremely lacking in confidence. Am I a bit socially anxious and insecure? Yes. Do I enjoy talking about myself and being forced to “identify strengths”? God no. But I see myself as capable and decent at my job? Sure. And what is wrong with a healthy level of self-doubt?
I’ve met “confident” people and , to be completely honest, they annoy the fuck out of me. They don’t bother to doubt themselves even when they’re obviously wrong. And when you correct them, they smirk and give some condescending response. Fuck confident people. I would rather check in with someone and get feedback than go about my life assuming I’m doing everything right. Seriously, I understand there is a difference between confidence and cockiness, but show me people who regularly walk this line well.
Ugh. That is just a rant that I needed to get out. I’m so sick of being told to work on my confidence. Alright, let’s go. What “work” do I need to do? Some push-ups? I hear this kettle ball thing is supposed to be great? What work should I be doing to get this confidence? I think I have enough to deal with. And I’ve made it this far apparently lacking in confidence. I think I’ll just keep on doing what I’m doing.