Soundbites from psychologists-in-training

imagesDid you ever wonder what therapist water cooler chatter is like?  Well, in an effort to de-mystify psychology and therapy and bring a little humor from our world into yours, I bring a collection of soundbites from psychologists-in-training.  Mind you, most of these soundbites were said in the full context of professional comportment.  They were never meant to be funny.  But to anyone outside of the strange setting of being friends with therapists, well, just enjoy.

Intern:  “Yeah, it’s all vaginas and death over there.”

Supervisor:  “How did the session go?”
Student:  “They’re going to sue me….well, you.  They’re going to sue you.”
Supervisor:  “Dammit.”
Student:  “Oh, but they agreed to come see me again next week.”
Supervisor:  “I have no idea how you did that.”

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Student:  “Sometimes, after sessions, I just need to lay on the floor and rock back and forth.”

Student:  “I’m having homicidal ideation toward medicaid.”
Fellow student:  “Like, all of medicaid?  Like the organization? Do you have a plan?”
Student:  “Yes.”
Fellow student:  “Yeah, me too.”

Intern:  “I think my supervisor needs a risk assessment.”

Student:  “Goddammit they didn’t invalidate the test. Now I have to score the whole thing.”

Student:  “I need copious amounts of self-care.”
Fellow Student:  “Well I’m off at 7.  Wanna meet me at the bar for self-care, say 7:30?”

you-need-a-therapist

Student:  “I think the IT department flagged me.”
Intern:  “Why?”
Student:  “I was googling ‘Naked Buddy’ the other day.  Then I got an email from IT that said we needed to schedule a meeting.”
Intern: “You’ll be fine.  On the bright side, you didn’t end up having to call Child Services.”

Student:  “Is it bad that I really hope that when you demonstrate this new test our supervisor’s neurosis shows up and we have data to prove she’s crazy?”
Fellow Student:  “That’s why I agreed to do it.”

Supervisor:  “So what did you end up diagnosing?”
Student:  “Provisionally?  I don’t know, does having a crappy life qualify for diagnosis?”
Fellow Student:  “Yeah, if you use the right combination of V-Codes.”

Student: “My client didn’t show up and I ended up playing with play doh for two hours.”

Student:  “I stepped out of the office for five minutes, when I came back my client had built a fort and refused to come out.  What do you do with that?”
Fellow Student:  “That’s so cool!”

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