A day in the life.
My clinical supervisor lets us out of morning meeting early to check out the new DSM 5. My friend and I skip through the more controversial areas we are already very familiar with and are advised to check out the new V-codes (sub- or non-diagnosistic descriptors of symptoms or personal history that, if used correctly, are more informative than anything a diagnosis could tell you.) We are pleased to see that the Child Abuse V-codes had been expanded to be more specific, a V-code for perpetrators of child abuse was added, codes were added for abuse of adults and rape (Ahh! Finally!), homelessness was added. They also removed some of the personality disorders that essentially pathologized being weird and quirky. So I’m taking the new focus on V-codes as a win. Since the actual diagnostic stuff still sucks and they have not done anything to fix the issues with trauma, rape, or child abuse diagnosis.
During diagnostic supervision,while handing out case assignments, my supervisor goes on a rant about how our sexual assault program doesn’t open cases to the state. Sexual assault programs tend to be grant funded and, in order to maintain confidentiality, the program does not report the client’s information to medicaid or insurance companies. So we got a rant about how “annoying” this is.
Me and boyfriend head to our favorite neighborhood bar for a few drinks. Our usual gang is there (yes, I live like Cheers and I love my bar friends). The Daily Show is on the TV because there were no hockey games. We chat. We laugh. We play air guitar to Rush.
The Daily Show is over and *groan* Tosh.O comes on. I’ve gone on rants about this shit before. I hate him. He should just disappear from existence. So I direct my attention more toward conversation and try to ignore that sack of worthlessness. Boyfriend sees that I’m annoyed and makes a sympathy face.
Whilst trying to distract myself from the idiot on the television I overhear a group of dude friends discussing the Bucking Bronco. Stop me if you’ve heard this, and apparently there is some controversy over this particular sexual move, but it involves sex, doggy-style, wrapping her hair around your arm so that she cannot get away, and then, and here’s where they were having the controversy, you either: call out another girls name and enjoy the ride while she tries to stop the sex or have your friends jump out of a closet and take pictures of her against her will and enjoy the ride. I couldn’t stop myself from saying audibly “yeah, guys, rape is really fucking hilarious.” Boyfriend tries to calm me down, saying like “dude, they’re just kidding you know they’re not really like that.”
I continue to try to distract myself. This time on my phone. I open up my news app. The first thing I see is this:
“Are Rape Jokes Funny?” is newsworthy. I didn’t even read it. I don’t know what the article says.
*Groan* Switch to Facebook. Trusty old Facebook. I’m sure a picture of a puppy will pop up and all will be right with my mental status.
Nope. The first thing I see?
“Columbus cops looking for rape suspect”
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Get me out of here! I can’t do it anymore! I just wanted to have a beer and hang out and listen to fart jokes and talk about music!
I was visibly agitated. Boyfriend was trying to be cool and I was trying to not be visibly agitated. Nothing that was going on was overtly or purposefully threatening or malicious. It was just everything piling and piling to a breaking point.
Bartender/Friend notices also my agitation and boyfriend’s attempts at reconciling my mental state and asks what’s up. Boyfriend fills him in. I let him know again, that it is nothing specific it was just a pile of agitation and tried to not get soapbox-y. I was out to have fun and a superstorm of rape-culture just hit. But then…
“Wait….the bucking bronco is a rape joke?”
Ugh…..my response? “You make a joke about not allowing a women to stop sex, forcibly continuing sex, about humiliation and degradation. What about that is not a rape joke? I understand that it is a joke, but what’s behind that joke? Other then degrading someone?”
He apologized and walked away with a genuine look of “oh, shit, I never actually thought about that.” I hope he actually did think about it. IDK. But then he turned off Tosh.0 and put on a replay of the Hawks/Wings game from Wednesday.
Anyway, me and boyfriend continued a bit of the conversation about rape jokes. I challenged him to tell me a joke made by a woman that degrades men sexually, in the act of sex not just a small penis joke. He could not. Anyway that conversation ended and we moved on and the night ended on a high note.
But that was a day in the life of rape culture. I hope you enjoyed it.