Terrible things you consider when you realize you have to pay back student loans. Pt. 1
August 8, 2012 Leave a comment
I realized I hadn’t written in a long time. I’ve been in a lazy/lamenting mood lately so I decided to take a page from my dog’s book and lay around the house watching Monster Quest for a few days—by which I mean weeks.
I just realized that in a year, I will be on internship, after that I will be forced into the real world. I have spent the last 20 years of my life in school, straight. No breaks. The last 9 have been in college/grad school (I started taking college classes when I was 16 because I was awesome enough to qualify for a program and I hated high school). But now, after accumulating a fuck-ton of debt and a small amount of knowledge, I realized that I have to have a real job and pay my bills out of real money, not loans, and pay the previously mentioned loans back! WTF? I have no delusions that they will be paid off by the time I die. I’ll pay the minimum until I die and be content.
But then, today, I had this fantastic idea! I can sell my Eggs! I can get up to $35,000 for one! What the fuck! I’m feeling I can get a pretty solid price for a tall, blonde, athletic, high IQ’d chick with a doctorate! I may be making terrible statements here, but when you are suddenly faced with the real world, shit gets real and you realize the pointless things that matter to the WASP culture that would probably want my eggs. My only defects are being near-sighted and clumsy, and having a penchant for science fiction. And I don’t even smoke! If anyone is interested I’ll just pretend I don’t drink as much as I do when they meet me. Let’s face it, my genes are going to waste due to my phobia of pregnancy. Someone should benefit from them. And if they can benefit from my genes and I can benefit from their money, it might just be a perfect world.
I’m also working on a scheme with the boyfriend about letting me have a sugar daddy. Because if I get a sugar daddy, I can boyfriend’s sugar momma. Think in layers here people! Again, everyone benefits! Except the idea of boning old people. I don’t like that. hrmmm….Let me work this one out a little more.